There once was a girl named Lenore
And a bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the bird always says “Nevermore.”
Footprints in the Sand
There was a man who, at low tide
Would walk with the Lord by his side
Jesus said “Now look back;
You’ll see one set of tracks.
That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”
Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’
This note on the fridge is to say
That those ripe plums that you put away
Well, I ate them last night
They tasted all right
Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?
Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening
There once was a horse-riding chap
Who took a trip in a cold snap
He stopped in the snow
But he soon had to go:
He was miles away from a nap.
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
There was an old father of Dylan
Who was seriously, mortally illin’
“I want,” Dylan said
“You to bitch till you’re dead.
“I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”
I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud
There once was a poet named Will
Who tramped his way over a hill
And was speechless for hours
Over some stupid flowers
This was years before TV, but still.
The Canterbury Tales
A bevy of
oldMiddle English folks
Told stories replete with sex jokes.
Too bad no one knows
How the rest of it goes;
It breaks off when ol’ Chaucer croaks.
The Song of Roland
Poor Roland and friends were demoted
To the rearguard whose dangers were noted.
They became so forlorn
Roland blew on his horn
Until his cranium exploded.
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori
A Roman well-known and well-read
Is famous for once having said
How sweet it would be
To die for country.
Fuck that—what’s sweet when you’re dead?
famous poems rewritten as limericks, limericks, poetry,